More on actuaries, disease management, integrated delivery systems, CMS and primary care

The disease management blog's last two posts were long, so some brevity and levity are called for. With apologies to the authors of the original versions:

Question: Just why are actuaries so smart?
Answer: While in most humans, one side of the brain is slightly larger than the other, in actuaries each side of the brain is larger than the other.

Question: What is the definition of a double blind clinical trial?
Answer: Any research involving two disease management companies.

Question: What is the definition of a well run, randomized, multi-level cluster-design prospective cohort trial using comprehensive regression analytic methodologies to adequately control for confounders?
Answer: Heck I don't know, and neither does CMS.

Question: What is the motto of the disease management industry?
Answer: "We talk. You listen. They pay."

Question: What is the motto of integrated delivery system-run disease management programs?
Answer: "We talk. We pay. Ourselves lots."

Question: What is the one thing health services researchers and health economists have in common?
Answer: Both wish they could be as smart as the actuaries.

Question: When it comes to payor methodologies, what is the one key difference between dirt and primary care?
Answer: No one goes out of their way to step on dirt.