Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Iron Healthcare America!

Welcome to Iron Healthcare America. Yes, few dare enter the Kitchen Stadium in which population-based interventions battle for the supremacy in taste, acceptance and coverage by Medicare. But there is one more ingredient to this week’s battle, the secret ingredient:

(Dunka dunka music. Martial arts flourish). Cost savings!

This week’s battle pins the challenger, Disease Management against Iron Chef Medical Home. Disease Management has robustly embraced population-based care for over ten years, serving as both a Wall Street darling and a medical continuum of care Mephistopheles. Now hawking its wares in commercial and self insured settings, its interventions have been hailed as far as Brazil and Singapore, which are the only places hailing its interventions. Facing off is Iron Chef Medical Home, most famous for its inventive fusion of patient centeredness and the chronic care model. It’s knocking on Medicare’s door and daring diners to go ahead, don’t pay for this and make my day.

And meet our judges:

Dilweed Flabbersham, Lead Chef of Chez Blinders, a leading hip bistro located in hip Washington, DC;

Percy Aliquot, Editor in Chief of Dysgeusia, the not infrequently cited gastronomic and policy journal, headquartered in Boston and;

Hugh G. LeMorose, MD, a physician gourmand, physician advocate and physician provocateur.

Iron Chef Medical Home opened with a pressure cooked cocktail of Grande Moneyier, cost savings extract and blenderized ‘justgivemtome’ shekels. A team-infused crepe sautéed with a scrumptious blend of cost savings puree, bulbous doubtplant and primary care followed. The main course consisted of a half-baked loaf of boeuf served over a base of sympathy, policy mash and fillet of cost-savings ‘sans data’ style. The dessert was custard crème compote of tart indignation and inefficiency syrup drizzled with an acidic blend of monetary woe.

Challenger Disease Management began with a sans les physicians style zoupe of laid egg white, standard recycled stock and cost savings ‘chowder-style.’ Our judges next turned to la salade of select data greens, ripened data gourds, specially chosen participants and caramelized bon-bons sprinkled with avoided expense. The main course was a brisket served ‘controls au invisible,’ with a peer reviewed reduction and spiced trendalot. Dessert finished this fete with a trend-based pudding of mirage like diced claims, spiked assertions served over mirror smoked savings.

As you know, judges had to score each contestant on acceptability (5 points), originality (5 points) and taste (10 points).

And how did the judges score this gastronomic duel?

(Dunka dunka music. Martial arts flourish).

Chef Flabbersham:
Medical Home 14 points, Disease Management 15 points

Editor Aliquot:
Medical Home 14 points, Disease Management 15 points

Dr. LeMorose:
Medical Home 0 points. Disease management 0 points.
This week’s winner? (Dunka dunka music. Martial arts flourish).

Iron Chef Medical Home!

Tune in next week when Medical Home takes on Value Based Purchasing……

No comments: