Thursday, October 2, 2008

Someone Somewhere is Going to Respond

Like you, the Disease Management Care Blog has received countless emails from anonymous hucksters offering hugely profitable schemes involving transactions in the tens of millions of dollars. A humerous version mocking the $700 billion bailout has made its appearance and the DMCB thought.... why not?

Dear Citizen,

I am the next President of the United States, sourcing for services of Population Health Manager Enterprises (PHMEs) to manage the actuarially precise sum of US$90 Gazillion, more or less, this amount representing an over utilized amount of money from services that was dedicated to countless elders of a major sovereign 50 State conglomerate newly invested in mortgages, investment banking, Iraqi electricity generation plants and cooking oil-powered transportation vehicles.

A nationalized complicated proposed wellness, prevention, medical home, disease management and chronic illness pan-initiative effective January 20 that makes available the invoiced sum shall be immediately printed up in $10,000 bills in the US Mint and safely be set aside in a special Medicare account managed and monitored by the top officers of the US Health and Human Services, in charge of the day to day running of accounts and finance section including an ‘OIG’ department and have almost perfected and read all documents and regulations to back up the payment, which makes the transaction 100% risk free, unless a duly elected body of representatives or their regulators decide otherwise at any time for any reason.

My request is your assistance in achieving a peer-reviewed reduction in claims expense using a secured risk corridored account that is able to receive such funds and thereafter invest it for a period of 1 or 2 or 3 or more years on behalf of qualified individuals subject to quality measures ascertained in a one-way partnership basis. In recognition of your initial investment, a suitable and mutually rewarding return shall be realized, which can be returned greatly to the US Treasury.

Sundry and unforeseen expenses incurred by both parties in the course of this transaction will be deducted after due calculation by a 3rd party under our employ. I have noted your honesty and ability to protect the highly exalted positions of the officers herein discuss. On your acceptance to assist, we will first draft an RFP to be signed by both you and the group in a meeting that will be arranged at your instance before the processing of the payment, which will pass through the relevant authorities for purpose of authentication before a transfer to the account you will provide for this purpose.

As an administrative officer I was mandated to seek your indulgence on this matter, if this is acceptable to you, contact me strictly by email stating the private phone numbers of your investors and their willingness to participate in this critical transaction.

Yours Sincerely….

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