Sunday, December 7, 2008

Reform Health Care? Let's Eat!

The Office of the President Elect is recommending that the American body politic assemble in holiday gatherings to discuss health care reform. The Disease Management Care Blog heartily endorses this grand idea: it's one thing to write about this stuff, but the prospect of a festive gab-fest is irresistible. The DMCB wants this class to start so it can sit in the back of the room and raise its hand ooo…oooo like a kid with a full bladder.

The DMCB regrets to report, however, that the spouse disagrees. It turns out that she has other reasons for family and neighbors this season. She suggests if the DMCB wants to host a policy party, it do so off-site and pay for the expenses using the income from this blog.

While rebuffed, that doesn't mean the DMCB can't help. It calculates that there are vast numbers of engaged citizens who are planning to do their duty, but are struggling with a critically important issue. No, it’s not whether to include the role of ICD-10 in risk adjustment of Medicare payment rates on the discussion agenda. It’s what to serve the guests, especially if one of them might be Maximum Czar-To-Be Daschle himself.

The DMCB to your rescue with a recommended menu. Serve up this mix of celebratory cerebral treats and watch the ideas flow faster than you can say 'NAIC guidelines on the use of investment income to support health insurance premiums!'

Champain: no, it’s not misspelled, it’s shared.

Egg-Head Nog: blended n’ smooth, but be careful not to choke on all the economists’ and actuarial assumptions!

Double Smoked Ham: this tasty entrée claims to reduce costs by increasing spending. Eat up before the logic disappears!

Creamed Corniness: that’s right, this is for the children. Every time an opponent says otherwise, God makes a baby cry.

Hot potatoes: pass it to the left, or better yet, to tomorrow.

Republican mashed turnips: ‘Nuff said

Turnkey Turkey: if it’s tasty in Sonoma Country, California, it’s sure to be just as savory in Dade Country Florida and just as yummy in Clinton Country, Pennsylvania.

Gravy Train: a tasty high fat mix of entitlements, tax credits, grants, spending and mandates. Watch your guests jostle for the ladle.

Cramberry Sauce: more covered benefits per spoonful.

Health Fed Bread: put this basket in the middle of the table and wait for it to tell you and your guests when it’s OK to start eating. And when a fork is best. And whether three chews are enough.

Comparative Effectiveness Cookies: mmm! Sugar coated and they sure look good. But just wait until you eat one and find out what “it shouldn’t be covered” tastes like. This treat bites back!

Hostage Soup: serve this to your physician guests while you ask them if they know when the next ‘SGR’ fee schedule adjustment will occur.

Didn’t Mean It SoufflĂ©: all those campaign promises? It’s the hot air used to raise this delicate fluffy dough.

After We Talk, We’re Doing It Our Way Anyway Pie: the recipe for this tasty treat has already been written and isn’t going to change.

1 comment:

Krista said...

This is actually really funny. Sometimes we have to make light of the situation, otherwise it just gets too depressing. Very creative post - I enjoyed it.