Monday, October 14, 2013

The Exchangeacillin Package Insert: Black Box Warnings and Adverse Reactions

The Disease Management Care Blog is pleased to assist the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services with this FDA-inspired "medication package insert" that is designed to help consumer-shoppers grapple with the star-crossed health insurance exchanges.

(online bunglecide)

Virtual Suspension

Prescribing Information

**Black Box Warning**
Health insurance exchanges increase the risk compared to placebo of wishful behavior in adults and politicians in recent short term studies. Anyone considering the use of EXHANGEACILLIN must balance the risk of unintended consequences involving a federal bureaucracy unfamiliar with fundamental principles of insurance 101. There are no studies that assess the success of online exchanges, and persons of all ages who use Exchangeacillin should be closely observed for hours-long vacant staring at computer screens.  Long term use may lead to loss of confidence in big government and unpredictable election cycles. (See WARNINGS: Insurance Markets and Bureaucratic Meddling: Information for Consumers, PRECAUTIONS: Information for navigators)

Exchangeacillin (online bunglecide) is a virtually administered insurance platform with approximately one billion lines of unstable computer code. It has a melting point range that falls within room temperature and zero resemblance to modern web-based architectures.

The efficacy of exchangeacillin in the treatment of underinsurance, access to care or life expectancy remains an open question.  Preliminary studies in humans have demonstrated accelerated partisan animus, selective interpretations and media spin, leading to one of the largest live social experiments in modern history. In vitro and binding studies may demonstrate that persons at risk for near-term insurance claims expense are preferentially attracted to Exchangeacillin. The impact on Millenials, Generation X'ers, Slackers and Dudes is speculative.

Exchangeacillin is unpredictably absorbed and has been shown to lead to one or more commercial insurance accounts with an elimination half life for redundant applications that may extend for six months or more. Nonlinear kinetics can lead to botched income estimations, claw backs and opaque tax consequences. 

Exchangeacillin is indicated for the treatment of underinsurance, being uninsured, high co-pays, unwanted co-insurance, double-digit co-pays, skinny insurance benefits, benefit exclusions, windfall profits, high administrative costs, coverage denials, not having birth control and showing the health insurers a thing or two.

Post-marketing surveillance studies have shown an increased risk of buttock decubiti, White House embarrassment, yawning, consumer disappointment, carpal tunnel syndrome, insomina, gridlock, hypersomnia, digit calluses, onychophagia, boredom, bluescreenosis, resentment, death spiraling, employer mandate delays, government shutdowns, war memorial posturing, bombast, biased reporting, deficits, speechifying, inflation, carve-outs, administrative exceptions, skepticism, income non-verification, disbelief, distrust, bickering, hyperpartisanship, multiple-accounts, insurance death spirals, closed national parks, can kicked down the roadedness, comparisons to Medicare, comparisons to Medicaid, tiresome pundits, nausea, bloggery, anecdotes, generalizations, wealth transfer, increased federal deficits, decreased federal deficits, higher taxes, government savings, higher for-profit health insurance stock prices, elevated media ratings, anxiety, confusion, dizziness, breathlessness, wordiness, emotional lability, dubious claims, confident predictions, foolishness, restlessness, cancelled WH meetings and DMCB spouse exasperation.

Use of Exchangeacillin may interfere with budgets, debt limits, sequester agreements and elections.

While Exchangeacillin should be administered following months of testing and debugging, the FDA has approved its administration in a let-'er-rip "big bang" fashion with ad hoc adjustments and unpredictable shut-downs.

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