Monday, December 29, 2008

The Partitioning of Boston

Von Ribbentrop: Mein Fuhrer, das Boston Globe has published an article that describes in detail our non-aggression protocol with the Massachusetts Blue Cross Blue Shield Bolsheviks.

Hitler: By das Anschluss! When I met mit mein Generals at the Mass General Bunker and moved those pieces around on das map of Boston, we had the perfect plan to partition the city. Now it is a mess of kraut!

Von Ribbentrop: I hope the wurst is over!

Hitler: We can’t go Bach: we will never retreat. We zpent so much time building the reputation of Mass Gen and Brigham. Why doesn’t the world understand they should pay many pfennig for our spezial quality?

Von Ribbentrop: A teutonic set-back Mein Fuhrer!

Hitler: Those conniving communist swine. Launch the Panzer Divisions! I want Caritas Christi crushed and out of business in 72 hours.

Von Ribbentrop: Errr, Mein Fuhrer, the Federal Trade Commission will certainly declare war and open a second front. More minute clinics in Medford! More MRIs in Sommerville. Perhaps instead we might compromise and open negotiations with….

Hitler: and lower prices for healthcare consumers?! Help the other struggling hospitals? Help Massachusetts with its medical inflation cost problem?!? Ninkompoop! Have you been drinking too many St. Pauli Girls and turned all communist on me!? You actually think we should all be transparently competing on price? Dumkopf!

Von Ribbentrop: I apologize Mein Fuhrer. But may I recommend that we telephone Herr Stalin and let him know that our most favored nation status ist gone kaput.

Hitler: We must re-initiate our media education and propaganda campaigns. Our national socialist strategy for centralized health reform domination cannot be compromised!

Von Ribbentrop: Jawohl Mein Fuhrer.

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